im holly from the hills drunk
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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