I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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