you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
