well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
