Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
