My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
