Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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