I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
