Im at strip club and am horny
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
