Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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