K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
