after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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