how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
