what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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