lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
