Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
