Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
