I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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