Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
