u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
