I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
