When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
