Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
