Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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