I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
