that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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