my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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