why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
