Non-Jews are for practice
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
