she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
