We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
