I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
