I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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