You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
