I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
