Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
