Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
