I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
