I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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