An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
