I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
