I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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