I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
