I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
