i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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