my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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