I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
