she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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