i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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