dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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